Living in Lakeway, Texas, in 2020, my family (Kristen, Izzy, and Samuel) was living in a master-planned suburb northwest of Austin where uniformity prevailed, and genuine community engagement was often limited to individual church groups. We enjoyed weekends out at Lake Travis from time to time, and the schools were known to be really good. We just didn’t have that “it” feeling of home and belonging that I think so many people long for. Being known, heard, and able to make an impact by serving well. While we loved our church and had some very dear friends, there was a sense of entitlement and conformity that surrounded us, starting with COVID transplants in the small community where we lived. This was a strange feeling, because the natural beauty of the area didn’t match the heart of the community in which we resided. It felt material, stale, perhaps even lifeless, other than our church experience. We found that getting involved was not only hard, but sometimes political and difficult to serve causes that were important to us. At each turn and opportunity, God was closing more doors than opening them, and He was telling us to move to a better place to raise our kids, serve, and for our marriage to thrive. During the infamous Snow-Vid (2021 winter storm), our family was stuck inside like everyone else. So, we paused, reflected, and mapped out all our family values on a posterboard that were most important to us. Outdoors, Aggie Sports, Church, Horseback Riding, Classic Cars, Friends, Family, Community, Service, etc, etc. We then mapped out the State of Texas and circled areas that may have what we were looking for. After many trips to see different communities, we finally drove down Main St in Boerne, TX, and it was almost exactly what we were seeking. A town square. A main street. A well-churched community with a great school district. Check, check, check. We soon thereafter discovered that Boerne, TX, was the one community we sought where you can work, live, and serve.
Upon relocating to Boerne in the summer of 2021, we were immediately struck by the welcoming and vibrant sense of community with historic charm. This stood in stark contrast to our previous experience. In Boerne, the historic charm of the Texas Hill Country is complemented by a strong communal spirit and a culture that highly values service and volunteerism. Opportunities to contribute are abundant, and this environment can be deeply rewarding for those who choose to participate. We have certainly found that to be the case for our own family and friends.
However, there exists a risk of overcommitment even in the most service-oriented communities. The desire to serve, coupled with a reluctance to appear incapable or overwhelmed, can lead to an unsustainable level of involvement if you find yourself saying yes more than no. Gut-check….. Yes, that has been me the past several years. Going from a previous community that had closed doors to one that celebrates volunteers, I slowly overcommitted myself more than I realized… until I did. Before I could realize it, I had become rather ineffective at the very things I was pouring my soul into. All great things, just too many.
It is not uncommon to observe individuals serving on numerous boards and committees, only to find that such extensive commitments may diminish their effectiveness both in their professional roles and at home. On the surface, it may not appear as such. They may be involved in 5-6 different initiatives, and seemingly have it “all figured out”. Sorry to burst the bubble, but nobody “has it all figured out” even when it appears that way. If you don’t decide how to use your time, someone else will. The risk of being overcommitted is threefold, and you should be asking yourself these questions if you are in the camp of overcommitment:
- Are you making time for your own health? Or are you getting the leftovers?
- Are you making time for your spouse and family? Or are they getting the leftovers?
- Are you effective in the very things you have committed to?
*Only you, the reader, would be able to truly answer these questions in a reflective manner.
Community service is undeniably honorable and essential to a fulfilling life and building authentic relationships. Whether you serve on a community board, for BISD, or a local nonprofit, it can also be a drain on your time and energy that absolutely has its limits. It is imperative to recognize one’s limitations and periodically assess your personal commitments and truly reflect. It is acceptable – and often necessary – to decline or drop opportunities that no longer align with one’s passions or capacity.
Recently, I made the decision to step back from several volunteer roles to concentrate on those that matter most to me, and I found this to be a far harder task than it seems. Why? Because you do care if you serve. But if you are not serving well or taking care of your own obligations effectively, that really isn’t serving well. Prioritizing is actually a necessary thing to do, but many of us don’t do it well, or often enough. In my personal case, this adjustment has proven to be both liberating and beneficial. Almost immediately, I felt a sense of freedom resigning (albeit reluctantly) from some amazing organizations and roles. The show goes on, and new talent comes in with fresh ideas and perspectives to help!
From a wealth management standpoint, time is the most valuable commodity we possess, regardless of our financial status. The manner in which we allocate our time – whether through service, family, or professional endeavors profoundly impacts our legacy, mental health, and overall well-being. To excel as community members, it is essential to prioritize and make deliberate choices about where to invest our efforts. Newsflash: Nobody brags about their 10mm portfolio on their deathbed. An extra dollar earned does not make you happier. It is time, how and with whom we spend it, that is the most lasting legacy. Choose your circles wisely and protect your time by giving it sparingly and effectively to those causes and people you care about.
If you find yourself struggling with this concept of balance, conduct a personal inventory and focus on what truly endures: family, faith, community, and friends. As you enter the new year, reassess your commitments, eliminate unnecessary obligations, and concentrate on those that yield the greatest impact. Sometimes saying no, or not now, is saying yes to the very things you should be focused on. When you serve well and stay focused, that leaves room for others to follow suit.
More from the BetterMENt column: For another reflection on stepping off the rutted road, read The Road Less Traveled. For the part of balance that gets harder once you find the right place, read Being Present Is the Present for Your Family.
