Have you ever felt like you were in rut? Day after day of fighting the same battles, living an all too familiar experience over and over again as you move down the road of life. I think that it is fair to say that we all have been there or may even be there at this moment in time. Sometimes, while in those ruts, we ask ourselves, “How did I get here? What did I do to deserve this? How do I get out of this rut, or is this just my destiny to bounce around, letting the ruts guide my progress?” We double down and try harder, because as men that’s what we do, suck it up and increase our effort. Sometimes that is the answer, but I would offer that more often than not, it requires change in a different form.
Let’s take our metaphorical image of driving in a rut. To get out of the rut, we may try to slowly ride up the side of the rut in hopes of getting to the higher ground. Other times, we turn the wheel hard and “jump” out of the rut. In both cases, we know that if we are not careful, we can easily slide right back into the rut. It lurks before us, dominating our thoughts, ever threatening to take hold of our path and direction. Sometimes, it is easier to just give in, stay in the ruts, accept the hand we’ve been dealt, and ride out the journey without the experience that we had hoped for. We justify it by saying, “Hey, I’ll hammer through, get to the end eventually, and put that behind me.”
The journey of life is not meant to be traversed in ruts or the paths worn by others or formed by the consequences of our choices. The ruts are only meant to be very short parts of the journey. The rest of the journey, we are called to set our own path for our betterment, living life by exercising our unique gifts, skills, and talents. Not by falling into the trap of yet another rutted path.
I was telling a medical professional one day that I felt like I was stuck in a rut, Groundhog Day, day after day. He asked me, “What are you doing to make a change?” to which I replied, “I am trying as hard as I can to do better.” He then said something that forever changed the course of my life: “I am not asking you how hard you’re trying. I asked what are you doing to make a change?” It was a question about doing, not trying. I was reminded of what Master Yoda said in Star Wars, “Do or do not. There is no try!” In that moment I became aware of one staggering reality – I was in a rut because I chose to be. That is worth repeating – because I chose to be. The only person able to change that choice was me, so I cut the wheel hard and jumped up out of the rut, up to different ground and onto a road less traveled.
I began to study and look into why we get in ruts, why as we age we get “set in our ways”, and how to avoid those very things. The human body is amazing and efficient. It repairs what we use by focusing its resources where they are needed. If we always do the same thing and think the same way, the body only repairs those things. This is why varied and dynamic physical exercise is so critical to our well-being and longevity. But what about the mind? As it turns out, the brain forms preferred neural pathways driven by the parts of the brain that we “exercise” the most.
What happens when we limit the parts of the brain that we exercise? Those neural pathways become neural ruts, our patterns continue, and the ruts become more established. We get more and more “set in our ways”, and like ruts on a trail, more and more narrow(minded), not open to other possibilities. I’m not talking about our core convictions and principles. I’m talking about things such as limiting what we read, or not reading much at all, never learning a new skill, excessive screen time or endless scrolling, being a creature of habit, avoiding challenging new experiences, only listening to one form of music while avoiding others, especially soothing or classical music.
The connection between the mind and body has long been recognized. In the pace of today’s world, we often don’t take the time to invest in activities that support and reinforce the mind portion of the connection. Here are just a few things I have discovered that help me:
- Find several good books to read to exercise different parts of your mind. Make sure that they are varied, such as something technical, something fictional, something spiritual or reflective. You can read one from start to finish and then move on to the next, OR you can rotate books each day so that you are reading 2, 3, 4 at one time! I’ve done this, and it is really quite amazing as it opens the mind and each book seems more interesting than if I read it from start to finish and then move on to different book.
- If you have a commute or travel, try audio books. I currently have books on science fiction, reflection, health & wellness, history, and the science of space travel in my audio library that I am rotating through.
- Add a 20+ minute early morning or evening walk, free of cell phones, to your daily routine. The sunrise and sunset light are soothing to the soul and the starlit sky is a great reminder of the universe of infinite possibilities. This helps the mind, body, and spirit.
- A couple of times a day take a 10–15-minute break from your normal routine to get up and move, to meditate and clear your mind, or to visit with others.
- Perform random acts of kindness by smiling and saying hello to strangers, asking how their day is going, and genuinely listening to their answers.
- Manage your time in the evenings so that you can get a good night’s sleep. This is especially true if you sit in front of a computer screen much of the day. Stay away from electronics, the TV, and screen time for at least an hour before you plan to go to sleep.
- Develop a simple thankfulness prayer or meditation to say/do every night as you fall asleep. This helps relax the mind and can be used to help you fall back to sleep should your sleep be interrupted.
- Write a letter. Yes, I said it, handwrite a letter, card, or a note and send it to a loved one or a friend. I guarantee that receiving it will bring them joy, and it will do you good.
- Rather than texting back and forth, call, visit, and hear someone’s voice.
The funny thing about ruts is that when you are not using them, they slowly fill back in, and the same holds true for those in the mind. As we use more and more areas of our minds, we grow, and new possibilities present themselves. So, restore your dreams, reach for new and greater things, and find joy in new learning and experiences, and I hope that we meet one day on the Road Less Traveled.
